Struggling with Same-Sex Attraction

I struggle with same-sex attraction (SSA). It has been (and is still) an on-going journey of confusion, frustration, and trial, but by God’s grace, one also of encouragement and sanctification. I've waited many years to finally share this part of my life online, not because I'm looking for pity or attention, but because a) this blog is where I've shared my life and how God has been growing me, and this is most definitely a big part of it, and b) because I'm sure that there are many others who may be in a similar situation and I hope this encourages, comforts, and challenges them, as well as anyone else that may be reading this.

Before I begin to share, I wanted to point out a subtle but substantial difference in definitions. I do not identify myself as being gay. But I would say that I struggle with same-sex attraction. There are big implications between the two and they are not the same. In today's society, the term "gay" or "homosexual" is used as an identifier, and it usually implies that the one that identifies that way has chosen and embraced that lifestyle. Our culture today tells us that our sexual orientation is our identity. It may feel very closely linked to who we are, and it is most definitely a part of our life, but we are not our sexuality. I'd also like to think we're much more than that. For myself personally, I choose to go by “one that struggles with same-sex attraction" because it doesn't have the connotation of identity, and it implies that I myself have chosen not to embrace such a lifestyle.


In today's ever-changing world, morality has become relative. We see this in abortion, which is murder, and yet now is encouraged and supported. We also see this in the sexual revolution, as society lifts high those who reject their biological sex because they feel like they were born the wrong way or call it “progress” when the definition of marriage and family are completely destroyed and altered. This isn’t a matter of upholding tradition, it’s a matter of what is biblical. What is the standard anymore? And where does one’s standard of right and wrong come from if they do not have a biblical worldview in which God himself, our ultimate authority and creator dictates right and wrong. And so we look to God’s divinely breathed word which reveals our understanding of life, ourselves, our sexuality, and everything really - and so before I share my story, I’d like to look at how scripture speaks on sexuality.


"All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work." - 2 Timothy 3:16-17. I believe that God's word is our ultimate authority, as it is divinely inspired by God, our Creator.


The Original Design (Genesis 1-2)
The Bible documents what God's original design was (Genesis 1-2) before the fall of man and sin. We see that God made all things good and created both man and woman in His image. Man and woman were to become one flesh - this speaks to the design and intent of the Creator, which we, his creation, should not and cannot argue against.


Our Sexuality is Not Our Identity (Romans 5:12, Psalm 51:5)
Earlier, I mentioned how our sexuality feels so closely linked to who we are. I wrestle with this on the regular - it's our emotions, our affections and feels like such a core aspect of our being. Sam Alberry, a pastor from the UK struggling with SSA put it this way, "If you are your sexuality then sexual fulfillment is key. Sexual and romantic fulfillment become everything. Being sexually fulfilled is intrinsic to being complete if you are your sexuality. It makes the stakes incredibly high, and the real tragedy is that the world ends up saying that a life without sexual satisfaction is not a life worth living." And we can clearly see this being pushed by our culture. Society says, "this is who you are", "do what makes you happy", "it's your identity", “you were born this way” and in one sense, there’s some truth in that last statement - but not in terms of having your sexuality be your identity, but in the sense that we were all born a certain way, with broken and sinful tendencies. After the fall of man documented in Genesis 3, sin entered the world and corrupted all things, including our desires. Scripture tells us that this sinful nature is inherited (Romans 5:12), in fact, we're sinful even in the womb (Psalm 51:5). Regardless of one’s sexuality, we see our sinfulness by our lustful eyes, adulterous hearts and broken desires. We need to see and recognize that we are sinners. We lie, we cheat, we lust, we steal, we manipulate, we deceive, we gossip, the list goes on, no one is good before God and it's all sinful rebellion against a holy God.


God Condemns Homosexuality as Sin (Genesis 19:4-5, Matthew 15:19, Romans 1:21-32, 1 Corinthians 6:9)
The practice of homosexuality is among the many other sins that are listed in the Bible. Yet it has been made a sin that seems to bear much more weight than others, but in God's eyes, all sin is sin and we are all guilty of it. James 2:10 says "For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become guilty of all of it". Where in Scripture do we see homosexuality as sin? In Genesis, men sought other men to have sex with in Sodom and Gomorrah - which led to the complete destruction of the city, a result of God’s wrath and judgement on the city because of their wickedness. In Matthew, Jesus teaches that sexual immorality (defined as any sexual expression outside of the covenantal bounds of biblical marriage between a man and a woman), among other sins such as slander, evil thoughts, and theft are what defile us. In Romans, Paul addresses that those who took on unnatural relations with those of the same sex exchanged the glory of God for images and mortal men. And so God gave the unrepentant up and over to their sinfulness. And in 1 Corinthians, Paul tells the church of Corinth that those who practice sexual immorality will not inherit the kingdom of God. These are only a few examples, but it is absolutely clear that from the old testament to the new testament, the word of God consistently teaches that the practice of homosexuality is sin against God.


All Sin Deserves Punishment (Romans 2:6-10, Romans 6:23)
Taking a step back, the point that we need to understand is that we have all sinned, not just sexually, but in our hearts, thoughts and actions. And the Bible tells us that the wages of all sin, big or small, is death; spiritual, physical and eternal death (Romans 6:23), which takes its form as Hell. The God of the Bible is a just God, and every sin must be punished. No one can stand before God as righteous, we cannot count the "good" we have done in our lives and expect to be pardoned, just as how you wouldn't expect a criminal to list off their "good deeds" to the judge and have their crime swept under the rug - that’s injustice. And so, because God is just, our sin must be paid for - and according to scripture, someone needs to die as payment and penalty.


But God, (Ephesians 2:1-9, Romans 3:23-26, 2 Corinthians 5:21)
While we were still and still are sinners in rebellion to God, He sent His Son, Jesus Christ to earth, fully God and fully man to die on our behalf, to pay the price and propitiate (appease) the wrath of God we are deserving of. He went to the cross, blameless and without sin, and shed His blood so that whoever believes that their sin (past, present and future) is paid for by Christ and is forgiven through His death, they will be made blameless, will receive His righteousness, and will be justified before God, having peace with God, inheriting eternal life, being born again. More than that, Christ was resurrected on the third day, conquering sin and death and so in the same way, those in Him will also rise from the dead, into heaven and eternity with God. This is the Gospel, the good news. And so I invite you to repent from your sin, and place your faith in Jesus Christ alone for the forgiveness of your sin for He is the way, the truth and the life; no one comes to the Father except through Him. Our sin needs to be paid for by death, and either you die or God dies.


Our Identity is in Christ (Galatians 3:26, 1 Peter 2:9-10)
As born again believers, God has redeemed and adopted us into His family and our identity is now found in being a child of God. We are no longer identified by our careers, sexuality, relationships or titles. We are justified and are seen as perfect by God when we are washed clean by the blood of Christ, and so we now simply live as we are called, living as saints would, pursuing holiness and obedience as a response to the reality that we are already made righteous and are forgiven through the gospel!


For those who are in Christ, we must fight and strive to live lives of obedience to Christ. Scripture commands that we wage war against our sinful and fleshly desires - which includes one’s desires for the same sex. Although experiencing attraction towards the same-sex is not sin in itself, it is not ok to be content with having such desires as they are a result of our fallen state. They must be put to death. It’s the same as if one had a desire to have an affair or to hurt another person, these desires are a result of our fallen nature and must be actively fought against.


Now with a more complete understanding of biblical sexuality and the gospel, I will say that there is no cookie-cutter formula to how one walks through this struggle. As much as I'd like there to be one, there isn't. Everyone struggles with it differently and living obediently and faithfully to God with such a struggle can be played out in various ways according to what God wills for you. But the ultimate question to always be asking yourself in any situation is "what honours and glorifies the Lord?" So in hopes to encourage and challenge you, the reader, regardless of if you are going through a similar struggle or not, here is my story.


It's hard for me to pinpoint when this all started, in fact, as I reflect more and more I realize that it goes back much further than I thought. I remember when I first recognized what I was going through. I found myself attracted to other men, but I knew that the practice of such a lifestyle was sin as scripture clearly states, and so I praise God that my conscience was informed this way.


But it was still confusing, and many questions came up as I wrestled through this alone, too ashamed to tell anyone. Why me? Why couldn't it be something else, like smoking or drugs? How would this work out considering I have a desire to have my own children someday? If I can't even trust my own feelings and affections, what's left of me? Wasn’t this who I was?


You can see that issues of identity and discontentment came up, and even though I hadn't understood it all back then (and I still don't fully understand aspects of it sometimes), I strived to chose God over my own desires. I remember praying one day and coming to terms with the reality that I may live a season or a life of celibacy and singleness if that is what God willed and what it meant to be obedient. It’s hard - it was hard, it's still hard, but looking at it from an eternal perspective, would I trade my salvation and eternal inheritance for temporary earthly pleasures that are futile and fleeting? Would I be like Esau who sold his inheritance for a bowl of soup (Genesis 25:29-34)? Would a life of sinfulness and rebellion against God be worth an eternity where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth?


Slowly I mustered enough courage to tell some close friends and by God's grace they all responded with love, encouragement and grace. I struggled with sharing with people, because even though I felt like I had got to a place where I was comfortable sharing, I only thought sharing was worthwhile if I could benefit from it. Why share if it's just going to be a fun fact for someone else, and in turn I may potentially be seen differently? Was it worth the risk? But again by God's grace, I've learnt and have been reminded that this weakness and struggle doesn't define who I am, and soon I found myself sharing this long kept secret simply because a friendship was important to me and they deserved to know regardless if they knew how to respond, or how to help. So far, the biggest hurdle was sharing with my family. I’ve always felt awkward sharing with them. I didn't see a reason to share this part of my life, and I wasn’t sure if they'd understand or know how to handle it, but once again by God's grace, they responded well considering how controversial and taboo the subject is in the Chinese culture. Though they may not have known how to approach the situation initially, I am encouraged to see them seeking to learn more about what scripture teaches.


Fast forwarding to today, I am still striving for holiness only by the power and grace of God. It isn’t easy when your flesh wants you to lust and to feed the desires that burn within you. But I remind myself to fight the good fight because "blessed is the one who remains steadfast under trial for when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life" (James 1:12). It definitely hasn’t been all ups - there are downs and hardships to face but God has been good, gracious and merciful in sustaining me and providing me with community and accountability to walk alongside me.


In this season of life, the two major questions I'm currently still working through are 1) how and if to pursue marriage and 2) how to pursue and build friendships. Can I pursue a woman in marriage with this struggle still present? Is it unfair to my potential spouse because there's clearly a physical aspect of marriage that cannot be neglected? Okay, well if not marriage, how about friendship? I've been cautioned against becoming too close with females because I wouldn't want to be a stumbling block for them, but then I myself have to be cautious with males because I don't want myself to be stumbling either... so does that I mean I can't be close friends with anyone? This goes back to the cookie-cutter formula I always find myself seeking. All these struggles are played out differently, but at the end of the day we must guard our hearts from sin, and ask "what glorifies and honours the Lord?" I pray that as I continue on this journey, that I would count it all as joy, and remember that my sovereign and good God is mightily at work in the midst of uncertainty and difficulty.


If you've made it this far, thank you for reading about this part of my life and my journey. If you're an unbeliever, I encourage and urge you to place your faith in Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. God came down in the form of man and bore God’s wrath that you and I deserve for our sin and died so that we can be forgiven. He is the giver of life and it is not your good works, but only through Jesus that your sin can be forgiven. This is a matter of eternity, of your soul! I do not want you or anyone to perish in the fires of Hell, but the reality is that the wages of sin is death, so either you die, or Jesus dies. But the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Will you be with God in heaven when you die?


And a quick word to the LGBTQ+ community - God doesn't hate you, we as Christians don't hate you. In fact, God loves you, and we love you. God made you and I in His image, and we are valuable to Him. He loves us so much that he sent His Son to die for us while we were still sinners so that we would have life. He meets us right where we are, but doesn't leave us where we are. And as Christians, we hope that you’ll see that we love you enough to tell you and all those who are dead in sin (which we all once were) to turn from their sin because faith in Jesus Christ leads to life; whereas sin leads to death. I apologize for those who may have experienced oppression or abuse from other professing Christians because that misrepresents who Christ is, but I urge you to look to His Word to know and experience the love, mercy and grace He has towards sinners.


If you're a believer, struggling with SSA or not, I want you to know that you are not alone. And I want to encourage you in the midst of trial and heartache, to be faithful and obedient, to wage war against and abstain from your sinful flesh. It is not easy, but Christ tells us to "enter through the narrow gate, for wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it" - Matthew 7:13-14. Fix your eyes upon our Heavenly Father, hold fast to his promises and his life-giving word in all seasons, and may all that we do be for the glory of God.


Feel free to message me if you want to talk, or if you have any questions. I am more than happy to pray for and with you, be a listening ear, or to engage in discussion.


Watch Sam Alberry share his Christian worldview on same-sex attraction HERE.

Comments

  1. Wtf? Just accept you are gay. That's what your heart leans towards. You cannot change it. Stop hurting yourself in the process

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    1. I agree. It sounds like you are gay and choosing to ignore it because its not holy by someone elses standard. Good luck getting married to a woman youll never love truly. Accept who you are and live life fully

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    2. I pray you would repent and believe on Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins.

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    3. So terribly sad to see people continue to hide behind religion instead of just admitting their hate, ignorance and judgment. Wasn't it Christ who said judge not for only god can judge. Was he also not the one to wash the feet of the homeless and sick and those deemed "morally corrupt" in a direct teaching of how he is no better than they, so I mean if you're not willing to do the same or regonize the same you must think you're better then Jesus ? I'm sorry that your religion has not taught you love. I can promise you you'll find way more love and respect in the LGBTQIA community than in your church, especially seeing as it teaches these kinds of hateful messages. Sorry that this has been your experience

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    4. Jesus did do all those things; love the poor, needy, and morally corrupt. But He never allowed Himself to be morally corrupt. He is the fulfillment of prophecy, the Perfect One from heaven who came and died so that our sins would be forgiven. The point was not "Jesus was not better", because He, the Son of God, the sinless one, is infinitely better than every last human, even the most kind-hearted, 'good' one. Because we've all sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Rom 3:23). Jesus's response to Pharisees who asked why He was always eating and talking and caring for the scum of the earth was this: "I have not come to call the righteous, but the sinners. (Luke 2:17)" The scum of the earth were aware that they were the scum of the earth, and understood the need for a Saviour, understood the need for someone to intervene on their behalf. Cue Jesus.

      Through writing this article, Jason is proving to be more like Jesus, rather than thinking he's better, as you say. Just because he doesn't think homosexuality is what is right does not mean he does not love people who are homosexual. In fact because he understands that homosexuality is not right his values are becoming more aligned with God's! It does not imply that he thinks he is above or greater than homosexuals. It also does not imply that he's hiding. Who hides in public on Facebook and all over the Internet anyways?

      To Jason, keep fighting the good fight and running the race! Keep the faith. Be encouraged by knowing this - you have more brothers and sisters in Christ than you even know who are supporting you and praying for you!

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    5. Jesus did do all those things; love the poor, needy, and morally corrupt. But He never allowed Himself to be morally corrupt. He is the fulfillment of prophecy, the Perfect One from heaven who came and died so that our sins would be forgiven. The point was not "Jesus was not better", because He, the Son of God, the sinless one, is infinitely better than every last human, even the most kind-hearted, 'good' one. Because we've all sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Rom 3:23). Jesus's response to Pharisees who asked why He was always eating and talking and hanging out with the bad people was this: "I have not come to call the righteous, but the sinners. (Luke 2:17)" The point being, they were aware that they were bad, and understood the need for a Saviour, understood the need for someone to intervene on their behalf. Cue Jesus.

      Through writing this article, Jason is proving to be more like Jesus, rather than thinking he's better, as you say. Just because he doesn't think homosexuality is what is right does not mean he does not love people who are homosexual. In fact because he understands that homosexuality is not right his values are becoming more aligned with God's! It does not imply that he thinks he is above or greater than homosexuals. It also does not imply that he's hiding. Who hides in public on Facebook and all over the Internet anyways?

      To Jason, keep fighting the good fight and running the race! Keep the faith. Be encouraged by knowing this - you have more brothers and sisters in Christ than you even know who are supporting you and praying for you!

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    6. My brother, ignore the statements some of these people make for they don't know the Truth, at the very least they don't know it to the extent they think they do. But love and forgive them for their ignorance as Jesus did on the cross to those who condemned him. It'll be hard as I can't imagine how many responses like these you get but I see you respond in kindness and understanding. Which is more than what can be said about some of these others it seems from what I've been reading.
      Your knowledge is deep and I pray for for God it give you the strength to keep walking, remember 1 Corinthians 10:13. Remain strong, my brother. See you at church this Sunday :)

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    7. the Bible tells us to LOVE the sinners, but HATE the sin. We still love the people who are struggling, but we believe that homosexuality is a sin that must be removed

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    8. As the church, which you refer to, I personally love and accept you Jason with SSA and all thank you for the courage. You are loved by the church #boom

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  2. Thanks for sharing this. What you say is very true. May God bless you in your Christian walk.

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    1. Thank you for reading it! God bless you - may I ask that you pray fervently for the lost and that God is made much of!

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  3. Thank you Jason for being so courageous and bold, for standing for righteousness and calling others to do the same.

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    1. May you also be bold in shining as light in the dark world we live in today. Stand firm, endure to the end, and you will be rewarded.

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  4. This... I'm not even sure how to respond to this without sounding too harsh/disrespectful of your views, while also still trying to sort of help you...

    I think the big overlying thing that's important to note is that same sex attraction isn't a choice. It's not "a lifestyle" one embraces. It's something that one is biologically born with, and the embracing part comes with accepting/living one's true self in the end = less mental struggle/anguish + a better ability to deal with the not so positive attitudes towards LGBTQ+ people. There's nothing wrong with being LGBTQ+/having same sex attractions or thoughts (and here's the part that you guys are likely going to flip your lids about) - it's more than a tad ludicrous to let these ideas of morality (especially on topics like this) or accepting one's self be dictated by a book which is a) fictional/written by people a really, really long time ago as a means of control through fear tactics and b) also claims that snakes can talk + condones things such as slavery and the death penalty.

    I know the above sounds pretty rude of me to say, but come on people... you're really going to struggle on and on and on because some guy in the sky of questionable existence says it's bad? I don't come from a hugely religious background, but give yourself a break and do yourself a favour - don't put yourself in more agony than you need to be. You've already taken a huge leap by making your personal life more public - which is often the hardest part for people. Don't fight it off - you're just going to screw yourself over even more in the end, regardless of what the bible/the church/your parents are saying.

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    1. Scripture is authority, not you. His understanding is Holy and right. Yours is one rooted in deception and unbelief. Repent and believe the gospel and cling to Christ.

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    2. ^ Scripture IS authority! Amen!

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    3. The thing is some pedophiles say they were born with the desire for children. Does this mean they should just accept it because they have 'no choice'? We are all born with different sinful desires - but that doesn't mean we can just give in to them.

      And the Bible is true. The prophecies written came true. It's written by so many different authors from different backgrounds but somehow all points to the same message.
      And it transforms lives - millions of testimonies from drug addicts and broken families on how God transformed their lives through his Word.

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  5. Hey there, I used to feel a lot like you do now. I found every possible way of denying or explaining away my feelings for other women. I thought that there was no possible way I could live the life I wanted to live, while also allowing myself to identify as gay. What happened for me was that I met other people who felt the same way I did, who were confident and comfortable with their sexual orientations. They supported me the way I am, and I saw that there is nothing wrong with being gay.

    And you're totally right: being gay is just a small part of my identity. There is so much more that's more important. But accepting myself has made it so much easier for me to move on and enjoy those other parts of me, without stressing all the time.

    I really hope you find friends who support you the way you are, and help you feel better. You could try calling an anonymous LGBT helpline if you want to talk to someone who will be supportive.

    Sending love!

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    1. I pray that you would find freedom in Christ - only He can save us from our sins - turn from your rebellion against God and find life in Jesus Christ, "if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." - 1 John 1:9

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  6. God bless you for your courage to be open about this area in your life. He will empower you to finish the good race and stay faithful till the end if you lean on Him and hold fast till the end. You will get a lot of negative lash-back from the secular community but know that your family (the one's that have been blood bought by Christ) will stand by you to encourage you and hold you accountable as you seek to bring glory to God.

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    1. Thank you Christina! The LORD is faithful!

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    2. Agreed - thanks for your courage to stand firm in this post-modern society where feelings trump facts and reality.

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  7. God bless you and keep you in your struggle. My heart breaks reading these comments of condemnation. It just shows me how we live in a world that is so focused on doing what is pleasing to your flesh and not your spirit. Remember that Jesus already overcame this for you. Coming from a similar background/experience as you, I can tell you that leaning on God's understanding lessens the hold this sin has on you. You can truly love a woman someday, the comment above is nonsense and the lies of the devil. I found that stopping the thought of sin in its tracks and praying was helpful. Sin has no hold over you. Be blessed!

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    1. Thank you for your encouragement - I will note that though God is fully capable of changing my desires to be attracted to the opposite sex, that is not promised - it'd be nice for sure, but the goal is not a heterosexual marriage, rather holiness and Christ-likeness!

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  8. What a blessing to know that our "true identity" is in Christ, nothing else, - - - not our feelings or emotions. Hold onto that truth, remind yourself of it, write it on your heart so you do not waiver as you continue your walk with the Lord. God bless you. Prayers going up for you.

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    1. I appreciate your prayers Desiree - I am encouraged by your message! To God by all glory!

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    2. Another prime example of homophobia stemming from a queer individual who has been taught to hate themselves and other. Your struggle with being a queer Christian sounds very difficult and I feel very sorry that you've been brainwashed into believing you are not allowed to be who your god has intended you to be. Im sure one day you will wake up from this and be a person who is proud and happy to be themselves. It's very sad that religions like this one hinder your ability for growth. The only people who view sexuality as an sole identity are people who are ignorant, your sexuality is a part of who you are not the only thing, which is the exact thing the LGBTQ community has been saying and fighting for for decades. It might help to do some real research. I hope you one day come to be happy. Thoughts and prayers.

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  9. What a testimony of salvation and sanctification, and how encouraging(!!!) your testimony is even though I don't struggle with SSA. Your struggle is being used for the glory of God for a lot of people and will be for a lot more =)!!

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  10. A piece of gold to read your story ! You explained the difference many need to read. There IS a difference. You are a great writer and share scripture well. Please encourage and guide those as It's pretty obvious you have that heart. May God use you as His tool, while at the same helping mold you. He's proven to me over and over again that He loves, in His perfect timing, surprising those who seek Him first. :-)

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    1. Thank you for your affirmation and response. I need to be reminded of this over and over - God is good!

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  11. You are a very brave young man! God will surely reward your faithfulness. I really want to commend you for striving for holiness and I will pray for you too.

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    1. Thank you for your prayers! Pray that the lost be saved - God bless you!

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  12. Hi, maybe you can find some more perspectives on this here: https://www.reddit.com/r/GayChristians/
    you're not alone

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    1. Hi, I would also encourage you to search the divinely inspired scriptures for life giving truth.

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  13. I applaud and respect you for sharing your story and struggles. I'm conflicted because I do agree that there are many more important aspects of who we are than just our sexuality, but as a Christian I do love all of my gay friends and relatives and want them to be accepted in society as well as a local church body if they choose to attend. This is definitely a touchy subject that causes division among believers. I hope that you do strongly consider all aspects before you marry a woman and starting a family. I have read many heartbreaking stories of women who married gay men (either knowingly or unknowingly) and they all ended in destruction. The women's needs (Not just sexually) were not met and if they had children it was quite harmful to the kids. There are enough problems in a conventional marriage without the added pressure of one partner struggling with SSA. As a Christian woman, I can't think of much worse than realizing your husband has that struggle. Even if you are open with this before pursuing a relationship with a woman and she accepts this, I feel she would always be questioning whether you are "lusting in your heart." The most recent story I read about thus was a Christian couple who married after college and had three kids. After 20 years of marriage, the husband came out as gay. The wife was crushed for many reasons, but said her love for him never changed and he was her best friend. I also had a relative who married a woman because he grew up in a strict Catholic family and struggled with the guilt of SSA. They had children, but despite their faith their marriage was in constant turmoil. He did truly love his wife and was a very caring man and good father. However, he turned to alcohol to try and deaden his SSA. This was also destructive to his family. He passed away years ago, but I'm close to his children and they regret that he lived such a troubled life. I know there is no cookie cutter formula for what you are struggling with, and I hope you continue to be surrounded with supportive people and much love.

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    1. Thank you for your concern! I appreciate your comment, it is easy for most people to think that the only answer supposedly is to be found in a fulfilling heterosexual marriage. Although that may be something I hope to have one day, it most definitely is not the end goal - a marriage isn't what life is about. Rather to lay down your life for the sake of Jesus Christ, to follow in obedience to Him and to bring forth his Gospel message is the purpose of every disciple of Christ.

      "What good is it for a man to gain the whole world but forfeit his own soul? - Mark 8:36

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  14. Hey. My name is Yonge Li. I used to be just like you. Then I started taking a lot of d, and now I feel great!

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    1. Hi Yonge, I pray that God would show you mercy, soften your heart to the gospel and save you from a life of sin. Turn to Christ, repent and believe!

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  15. Hey man, I really respect and applaud you for coming out with these issues and sharing them with the world and trying to deal with them. But as someone who has dealt with something very similar I wanted to tell you that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay or having same sex attraction. It is evident that you know deep down it is not your fault for being gay. Sin is something we choose to do, but being gay is not. I am a devout follower of Christ, and I genuinely believe that God would not condemn one of his children for something beyond their control. Once I let go of feeling guilty and the belief that I was living a life of sin because of my sexuality, I became such a happier person. Many Christians may read this and think that I have strayed from the Lord but when in reality it has made me feel closer to Christ than ever. I have become a more compassionate and understanding person and no longer feel that hateful feeling in my heart towards those who do not adhere to religious standards of sexuality. God makes no mistakes. He did not make a mistake with you. He made you gay, and he loves you all the same. Let go of this idea that it is sinful and learn to love yourself as God has created you.

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    1. Hey, I would encourage you to search the scriptures because that is not what the God of Bible says. I appreciate your concern, and my hope is that God would reveal to you the sin in your life and that it would move you to repentance.

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  16. Your testimony has honestly been one the most encouraging and uplifting things I have read and I thank God for the strength and courage He has given you to write this piece.

    Coming from a Chinese home, my family has never been open to the idea of a "gay" child; even more so in a Christian household. As a Christian who is also currently struggling with same-sex attraction in addition to other sins of the flesh, often times I just wonder if all of this is "worth it". Is it worth fighting all the urges, frustration, and temptations that come my way as a result of my attraction to the same sex. Yet time after time again in the midst of these thoughts, the Lord humbles me and by His mercy and His grace, He reveals to me just how much better He is than all these lustful desires. Despite how dirty and undeserving of a sinner I am, He still loves and forgives me no matter how many times I mess up (Psalm 103:11-14).

    So at the end of the day, I echo your statement and I agree that God is worth so much more than whatever we leave behind. If sacrificing a "happy life" with a relationship with another male is something I must give up to strive for holiness, then so be it.

    I thank God that He has answered my prayer through you as I ask Him for guidance amidst my sinful desires. Your post has truly been a blessing and has given me the courage and perseverance to continue on this fight and assurance that I am not alone. I pray that you too will be strong in your faith with the challenges ahead but I am confident that God will be with you through it all (Psalm 73).

    Soli Deo gloria

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    1. Christianity as a whole has done very poorly in the past with dealing with Christians with SSA. It has fallen into two extremes, either accepting other lifestyles as God-honoring ways to live or ignoring this sin all together (this can be in the form of not addressing it at all or concluding that a true born-again believer can never struggle with this and therefore it doesn't need to be addressed in the church). I pray that the tide is turning and that we learn to Biblically address and support our brothers and sisters in Christ who daily battle their flesh. You're in my prayers and I hope you have a loving Christian community to support you in prayer and counseling and to hold you accountable to your desire to honor Christ in this area in your life. God bless you!

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    2. Thank you for your encouragement - it takes a lot to truly deny yourself to follow Christ. I continue to wrestle with the passions of the flesh everyday and I pray that day by day God would continue to sanctify you, to lessen the grip of sin on us and that both you and I would find full and endless joy in obedience to God!

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  17. Hi Jason and any other sexually confused soul reading this,

    Everyone who is commenting here does NOT understand you or anyone else in this situation. It's easy for them to praise you and normalize this kind of behaviour (hate the sin, not the sinner) because they have NOTHING to lose themselves.

    How about this, for whoever wants to further this destructive and harmful narrative, I ask you to envision this. How would you feel if I told you that you could no longer be with your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, anymore? That these feelings you've had your whole life need to be barred up in order to just fit the perspective of morality that your so-called friends and family have interpreted from a book? Ask them what it would be like if tomorrow, they had to give up their significant other because it was "against God". Do you think they'd do it? It's easy to give Jason a pat on the back and then go home to your loved one that you can so easily love and care for. It's hard when you're in Jason's shoes and have to live a life of self-pity, guilt, hatred - and for what?! For one specific interpretation of the Bible? It doesn't need to be this way. You can be both religious and in a loving same sex relationship. You don't need to hurt yourself this way.

    Why do I say this? Because I've experienced this before. I used to be a practicing Christian. For four years in a row, I thought I could "pray the gay away". Every single day, four years in a row, I would pray to God that he would make me straight. I cried nights on end thinking that he would change me eventually. I resorted to trying to make myself straight by enacting in known (and harmful) techniques that "conversion therapists" use to make their patients straight. All the physical, mental, and emotional abuse that I put myself through - and for what? This is the dark side you don't hear from these light-hearted compliments from your religious comrades. This is the true destruction that is not unveiled when someone gives you a firm pat on the back.

    This message is not for you Jason. You have the freedom to choose whatever you want to do with your life, and I totally respect that. This message is for the unassuming young soul who is lost and hurt, and needs a true LGBTQ+ friend who respects and understands the situation that they are in. This is for me as a teenager, when he/she was looking for help with an identity trait that he/she had nothing to do with. For that person reading this comment, you are not alone, and nothing is wrong with you. There are plenty of LGBTQ+ resources and help centres out there that can speak to you and help you journey your path.

    At the end of the day, the decision is up to you. You don't need to choose between religion and living a fulfilling and loving life. They are NOT mutually exclusive.

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    1. I know you said this message isn't for me but may I still respond? I'm sorry to hear that you have gone through such pain in trying to "convert" yourself to heterosexuality. Although I believe that there is nothing wrong in asking God to mend and heal our broken sexual desires, God has never promised that that would be the case. Christianity isn't exclusive to heterosexuals, it welcomes ALL sinners of ALL kinds who wrestle with ALL sorts of struggles. Jesus opens his arms and invites sinners to repent and believe on Him for the forgiveness of their sins. My prayer is that you would be convicted of your sin as well and turn to Christ for new life.

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  18. Bless you Brother for your transparency and faithfulness. Don't let others make you feel wrong for what you do. We know as Christians, they can't possibly understand why we are willing to struggle and sacrifice in this world. I commend you. Love to you Brother.

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    1. God bless you! Pray without ceasing for the lost souls who need Jesus as a saviour!

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  19. Thank you so much for your boldness and love for others. The world is full of 'positive' messages that point people away from God and straight to hell. Sinners, all of us, need the Gospel.

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    1. Amen to that Samantha! Thank you for your affirmation of our need for the gospel - God bless you!

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  20. Jason,

    Thank you for your testimony! One of my closest friends struggles with SSA and I can't wait to send her your thoughts! I pray that God sanctifies you and gives you peace! I pray that God will bring you peace and contentment and that he may bless you with companionship (if it is His will). Don't give up on marriage or friendship, we all have inherent sins we struggle with. God could send you someone to help sharpen you. My husband struggled with a sexual sin while we dated and in marriage, helping him fight it has strengthened us.
    Thank you again for sharing!

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    1. Let her know that she is not alone and though it is a difficult battle for holiness (which goes for anyone) the rewards in heaven, full joy in the eternal kingdom with God, peace with God, freedom from guilt - it is all worth it. Fix your eyes on Jesus and let Him change and use us for his glory! Thank you for sharing!

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  21. Fantastic!! Thank you so much for your willingness to discuss this topic, it will bless many!

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    1. I already know and have heard that it has so all praise and glory be to God!

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  22. Thank you, thank you, thank you for being transparent about your struggles! Our struggles may be different, but our heart issues are the same. We want what we want when and how we want it. Our hearts are totally depraved and deceitful above all things apart from Christ. That goes for EVERYONE! But the Lord is using you to speak the truth with so much love ... You are so right - as believers our identity is in Christ alone. Not in our lusts, not in our pasts, not in our failures (or our strengths). We are holy and blameless before God only because of what Jesus did for us. May God continue to sustain you, strengthen you, encourage you, and bless you as you run hard after Him!

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    1. Yes! Pray that the lost soul would understand that it isn't about heterosexuality vs homosexuality but our sinful rebellious nature before that needs a saviour who can only be Jesus Christ!

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  23. Hey - you don't know me - someone forwarded your blog to me.

    Amazing openness thank you for sharing. We need more people like you in the church and I want to applaud your bravery. Ignore all the haters -- they have no idea what they are saying. They don't understand that people are more than their sexuality -- like you mentioned -- and that happiness is not derived from any one aspect of who we are. I mean how many married people and LGBTQ people are miserable even though they have embraced their identity -- plenty.

    Most people don't realize that there are very few people are 100% gay or ssa. I've met many LGBTQ people who all admit they have had feelings for the opposite sex at some point in their life.

    Marriage is totally possible for you -- and the main reason is that you are open and honest. Women love that, FYI. And anyone in a successful marriage will tell you that sexual feelings can wane - and that love is a choice and marriage is work -- but in the end when it's done right is amazing. Not that you have to get married - you don't.

    Pursue God -- he will bring the rest when it's time. I don't know where you live - but if you were brave enough I'd love to have you come share at my church! Your message is one that needs to be heard.

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    1. "I mean how many married people and LGBTQ people are miserable even though they have embraced their identity" - YES! Without a child of God as your identity, you will be let down every, single, time.

      Amen! Thank you for your encouragement! And a speaking invitation ahhh that sounds daunting haha - I live in Southern Ontario - maybe we can find a less public way to exchange information?

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    2. You made a blog. Could you make a video?

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  24. Ahhhh I'm sorry but I just do not understand your way of thinking, because what I know is that God is a kind and loving God correct?
    Also I do not think you are against the thought God has made some people attracted to the same sex since he has created you, yes?
    So now if God is loving and cares for all his children why would he make some people gay and then if you make any act upon being gay you would be labeled as a "sinner" and damned to hell? Sure I know sometimes He throws some tough things our way and then we get through them and are stronger for it, but would he really make you gay and then like expect you to not act upon it through out your whole fricken life just some sort of test to see how your dedication to Him is? Because in my mind that would be like God is torturing you literally for your whole life, which I can't really picture Him doing can you?
    And sure maybe now your like but I feel great I'm dancing with joy and frollicing through wild flower, but what about later in your life when you want a family or when you meet a guy you really like and can not do anything about it. Why would God not allow you to love another man, why would He not want you to be happy if he made you that way and loves you. It just makes no sense!
    I get that your not going to go and change idea of what you believe God wants you to do right away or maybe ever, but I hope that your able to at least become a little more open minded about the whole idea. I hope that you at least listen to other people's stories and seriously consider talking to other Christians who may even have different veiws from you and different interpretations of the Bible.
    I donno that's just my two cents, and what I really hope you take out of it is that you should go and talk to to others, specifically Christan lbgtq+ members in order for you to at least hear a different side of things. I'm not asking you to change your thoughts but to at least listen to others in order to help you better understand everything.

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    1. Hello!

      Yes! God is a kind and loving God. But He is also a just, righteous and holy God.

      God created us in him image as He made adam and eve in Genesis 1, however he did not make us sinful - that was inherited after the fall of man in Genesis 3, so though we may have sinful and evil desires - they could not have come from an all perfectly good God.

      Would you cheer on the rapist that has a innate desire to rape? Would you applaud the adulterer would naturally desires to cheat on their spouse? Would you approve the thief who desires to steal? We all have desires and emotions - and not all are good if we followed through them all - but the world continues to teach to follow your heart and it's desires. The Bible, the ultimate authority, divinely inspired by God warns us that the heart is deceitful.

      May I also ask on what basis are you making these claims about God? What authority do you appeal to when you say that God is torturing me?

      Last time I checked two males were unable to procreate and have children together biologically - no uterus, no fallopian tubes, no eggs, you're missing half the puzzle here. It makes just no sense. This also speaks to how God has designed us and life a certain way and for a reason. Would you reject the intended purpose of a hammer and whisk eggs with it? Would you buckle up a seatbelt that just was two of the same ends and expect to be safe if something were to happen? It just makes no sense!

      God loves me enough to convict me of my sin and save me out of my sin. And I love because God loved me first - the "happy" you're referring to is a fleeting temporary happiness that leads to death and destruction, whereas the joy and freedom found in Christ is eternal and cannot be taken from you - not even by death!

      I am listening, and I have responded to nearly every single comment here and every private message i've received on social media, engaging with those that disagree. The Bible cannot have many interpretations, especially if they are contradicting because that would make the bible invalid and a lie. There is one interpretation of God's truth and I encourage you to study it for yourself, asking God to reveal that truth to you.

      I appreciate your taking your time to comment and I can see that it is out of care and concern, however your comment here as you claim is just your two cents in which it appeals to no authority - but my post which I believe is founded on scripture, God's authority, not my own (see scripture references) is not merely my two cents, but is the words straight from the mouth of a holy and just God whom we have all sinned against and in turn need a Saviour for that can only be found in Jesus Christ alone. Like the words of Jesus, repent and believe!

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  25. What if, just what if a our definition of gay is not at all what the bible is talking about (I'm saying this for everyone, Christianity and non Christians). There are male whales in the ocean with female ovaries. Our environment is so pathetically hormonally messed up, or maybe not. You don't think humans are affected by this?? Maybe we don't even have a clue what we are talking about. Oh and what about divorce and remarriage? The bible teaches against that too. I know you will probably argue on this one till you are blue in the face, but just as Christians have interpretted divorce and remarriage to their way of liking, anyone should be allowed to interpret this issue anyway they like. So it goes to show there is peace in letting go. Letting go of what I dont know or understand and be me.Letting go of what those of long ago wrote in the Bible, realizing they were a person like me, living out and perceiving only what they were capable of understanding. Jesus never meant for us to pick the bible apart but to only accept his gift of love. I wonder how many of you Christians responding to this post would even begin to live out what you say you believe if you had no religious organization to fear, if you knew you wouldn't lose your money, or position in your church. Come on out of this bondage and start being real in Jesus name!

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    1. okay so what is "the right" definition of gay then? and on what authority do you make this claim?

      yes our environment, everything is messed up because of sin! divorce, adultery, lying, homosexuality, slander, blasphemy, we are ALL (whales included) corrupted because of sin.

      As you claim, you don't seem to have a clue about what you're talking about considering you said you dont know or understand and instead you're just "letting go" - not seeking truth or critically thinking, you seem to be siding with ignorance. However you cannot just generalize all of us into that by saying "we" dont have a clue what we are talking about. The reality is that we CAN know what we are talking about because God, who is all knowing has revealed knowledge and truth to us.

      And so I invite you not to be ignorant, not to reject the truth in God's divinely inspired word but to seek it, be convicted by God, repent and believe!

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    2. please note that though corrupted by sin, whales are not moral creatures

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  26. Nothing wrong with some good ol' dick, 50 years of straight camp therapy is not going to change your sexuality. Granted, you're gonna to be on your death bed wondering what you missed your whole life if you keep up with the self-bullying. Don't be a sheep, rise above.

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    1. The goal is not to change my sexuality - God accepts the sinner of all sorts. The homosexual is just as worthy of condemnation as the heterosexual. The reality is that we have sinned against a holy God and our sin needs to be paid for. Will you pay for your sins? Or will you place your faith in Jesus Christ who took your place on the cross, bore God's wrath, and rose from the dead, paying ransom for your sins?

      My hope is that on our deathbed, we can find rest and peace knowing that we have been saved by faith, justified in Christ and certain that we will be with God in heaven when we pass. Time will run out, the day of judgment will come, statistics say that 100% of the people die, and so I invite you to repent and believe in Christ.

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  27. Jason, may the bless you as you stand up for the Lord. I am rejoicing with you as you stand up for your stand and faith in Christ. It took a lot of courage for your to come out and share that you struggle with the attraction to the same sex. I know so many people give into homosexuality not realizing what God's Word says about homosexuality as a sin, or they cast the guilt aside ignoring the Holy Spirit who says that homosexuality is a sin in God's eyes. God loves the person indulged in homosexuality or any other kind of sins, but He hates the sins. We all are sinners, but we are either in Christ or are not in Christ. Keep living for the Lord, Jason, and He will bless you! God gives you the grace to live by His Word!

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  28. I wish for you to love life and yourself, if this makes you content to live like this then who are we to judge. I only ask for you to do what makes you happy.God is a lot more open minded than you may think.

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  29. Jason I am so sorry your church has led you to interpret the scripture in this way.
    God wants you to experience love and joy and heart break and beauty, he doesn't want you to hurt this way. God made you the way you were meant to be.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gE06o22Cbk
    God bless you and may he have mercy on your aching soul.

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  30. Amazing testimony! Press on, continue to inspire others like I am inspired after reading your blog. God bless your journey.

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  31. This post is worth more than any precious stone, in this social climate. May God continue to bless you, Jason Chan.

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  32. Hi! Thanks for sharing your story. This helped me a lot I just wanted to ask if you have progress on the two major questions you had: 1) how and if to pursue marriage and 2) how to pursue and build friendships? Thanks.

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  33. Yes, actually it does. That’s the entire point. Why not just suggest we enact Jim Crow laws for gay people. Oh wait, that didn’t work the first time either.

    Gay Fathers
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khkEdTtYMWA

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